Critical Mass
I had an argument with my wife the other night. It went as a lot of arguments do, she asked me to do something in a different manner and I took offense and responded and then we got into an argument. It seems to me that, when I was younger and when I was single, I was able to take criticism a lot better. Someone would tell me to do something a different way and I would just say "Okay" and change how I did something. If I was confused as to why I was wrong, I might ask and even argue my point a little but, overall, I was able to accept criticism with grace.
But now...
But now...
The big thing for me is...I do not know why. I know my wife is just asking me to do something in a way that would please her more...and I do want to please my wife. Not to an unhealthy level (although it must be admitted that I have some enabler tendencies that I must fight against and a rescuer outlook to boot) but just that I want my wife to be happy and to think I do a good job.
Of course, today I received an email from one of the blogs I follow about arguing with your spouse which points out my every flaw in conflict resolution.
Thriving Marriages
Just like this author, I have been trained in conflict resolution. I have taught Argumentation and Debate which has helped shape my view of arguments as good things. This is expressed in a TED talk that I have my students watch at the beginning of the semester and that I gave a link to in an earlier blog. Still, something about when my wife asks me to change something I do just seems to set me off sometimes. Sometimes it is when I feel she is being overly critical for an extended period of time (my wife is very particular). Sometimes it is after I have had a long day. Sometimes it is just my mood. Still, it bothers me that I react like that.
At what point do you balk at criticism? Has any of this changed for you when you got married? How about when you had children? Obviously there are all sorts of things I can do to help the situation and to make my responses better. Counseling is one option, better descriptions of boundaries and expectations is another, and still another is emotional and personal exercises with my wife to ensure closeness in order to lessen our need for criticisms. I think a combination of those things plus some others I have not considered is probably the answer. One way or the other I do long for peace in my family and life and happiness for myself and my wife.
Just like this author, I have been trained in conflict resolution. I have taught Argumentation and Debate which has helped shape my view of arguments as good things. This is expressed in a TED talk that I have my students watch at the beginning of the semester and that I gave a link to in an earlier blog. Still, something about when my wife asks me to change something I do just seems to set me off sometimes. Sometimes it is when I feel she is being overly critical for an extended period of time (my wife is very particular). Sometimes it is after I have had a long day. Sometimes it is just my mood. Still, it bothers me that I react like that.
At what point do you balk at criticism? Has any of this changed for you when you got married? How about when you had children? Obviously there are all sorts of things I can do to help the situation and to make my responses better. Counseling is one option, better descriptions of boundaries and expectations is another, and still another is emotional and personal exercises with my wife to ensure closeness in order to lessen our need for criticisms. I think a combination of those things plus some others I have not considered is probably the answer. One way or the other I do long for peace in my family and life and happiness for myself and my wife.
Comments
Post a Comment